Once again..

Once again it feels like my life is in a downward spin.. Just when I think things will finally for once get better, they worsen.

Things with B and I haven't been the greatest but we've made the best of it. We were getting a long a lot better, he was being sweeter, etc. Well, 2 weeks ago he got a call from his job saying he needs to move to LA in January.. Just like that.. With one phone call everything that we had planned was gone. I've moved before to be with him.. 8 hours away from my family to be exact and to this day I regret that move. Luckily, now I am closer to my family. A move to California just isn't in the cards for me.. I don't want to live THAT far from my family. I love him and I am devastated all of this is happening but I just cant do it.. Something inside of me is holding me back.. UGH.. I just want to scream..

As of March, I will have to move out of our condo and find a place on my own for my son and I. This will be a new experience for me considering I have never lived alone. Although it will be exciting, I am scared shitless.. I have 3 months to save up enough money for the deposits for an apartment and to put utilities in my name. PLUS, I have no furniture what-so-ever. All of this is so sudden. It's weird to describe how I feel.. Part of me is cool, calm, and collected and the other part of me is freaking out.. There is never a dull moment in my life.. I repeat, NEVER..