Today wasn't that great. Tmrw will be better..

(This was written yesturday but couldn't post till today)

Today was kind of blah... Work was extremely slow which gave me a lot of extra time to think WAY too much about things that I really have no control over. For some reason, the past keeps finding it's way back to me. I wont lie, it's nice to sit and reminesce on old times. The way things were and could have been. Then I catch myself and think, wait.. The past is the past for a reason. Right? There is a reason this past is not in my present. Is it because it was never meant to be and it just happened? (we were never meant to be, baby we just happened. -Kanye West) Or due to a lack of effort and maturity?? Either way, it's the past. A chapter in my life I wish had never ended but did and now must move on. While I'm talking about past and present, I was really daydreaming about being in a time machine today. I wish I could go back 3 years. Knowing what I kbow now!! Sssshhhiiiiiiittttttt!!!! Lol I'd be on top of my game for sure.

Have you ever made a sacrifice for someone whom you thout would do the same only to find out you were wrong? Well, that's how I've felt for almost 2 Years now. Let me give a little insight, when B and I met, we lived on different cities. About 2 hours away from eachother. I was trying to love, baby daddy wasn't having it so we had to take it to court. Long story short, I was denied relocating. I hired a different attorney and disputed the case. Meanwhile, I was laid off at my job leaving me jobless and living at my moms. While unemployed, I found a new love for makeup. I've always been fascinated by the art of makeup but at this point in time, this is what I wanted to do. I wanted to become a makeup artist. I was determined. I had a friend who worked at the local MAC counter so I went and applied there. The manager said she didn't have N opening but would keep my application. Then my friend told me about a new counter opening. This what it, I was going to get this job. I called, I kid you not, about 4 times a week telling them to interview me. I told them they needed to interview me, and that I was the person for the spot. Lol a bit cocky. :) I got an interview and nailed it. I nailed every interview after that. I jumped thru hoops, and loops and rings of fire for this job. Well, they offered it to me. I happily accepted. I hadn't started at the counter and baby daddy calls me to tell me he is moving and he was ready to sign the papers agreeing to me moving too. You can not imagine how I felt. Either I took the job and didn't move with B or I moved with B and gave up on this job I wanted so bad. Well, by now it's obvious which route I took. I kick myself in the ass everyday for that stupid decision. I gave up my dream to be with a man who painted me a beauitiful picture and when I got there, the picture was tainted. I gave up my passion to be with someone who I thought would make me happy and all he did was push me away. Ugh. The decisions we make in life are so important. I wish I had gone with my gut feeling. I had second thoughts but was blinded by the thoughts of what my life would be like if I moved with him. Ugh. Sorry. Had to vent. Been bottled inside for a whole.

-J